Being OK With “Blue”

2 04 2008

Needs More Soul     Back in high-school and college, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing pink.  Pink was the antithesis of everything I thought I was.  It embodied everything I thought I despised–things like Barbie and her crazy body measurements, things like fixed gender roles, and superficial expressions of love.   Years later, with a bit more experience and perspective, I began to “make peace with pink.”  I started wearing it, here and there, and I came to understand that sometimes colors are not just colors–they have their own energies, and those energies can influence your life in many ways.  Pink, I discovered, is a color of joy, of vibrance, of laughter and positive emotion.  It is a color of gentleness and subtlety–unless it’s hot pink, or “PAINK!” as my dear friends from the South might say, and then it’s a statement.  I learned to embrace and love my femininity along with my stronger aspects–my more masculine side, if you will.  Making peace with pink was an act of balance in my life, and the changes this one color has wrought have been profound indeed.

Recently–really only within the past two and a half weeks–I’ve been feeling a bit off my game.  I wouldn’t say I was depressed or sad or “down”, but I was certainly not myself.  I fell out of my routines.  Housework came to a grinding halt.  My eating habits took a downslide.  I couldn’t find the energy or the desire to exercise–at least not at the level I should be exercising.  Even my writing seemed flat and lifeless.  Upon reflection, I realized that this happens frequently.  It’s almost cyclical.  I have long stretches of active, positive, ordered existence, and then I have a downswing of entropy that seems almost uncontrolable.  Again, these downswings aren’t accompanied by any particular feelings of sadness or moodiness or anything else associated with clinical depression.  I just feel…off.

I’ve decided that this is what being “blue” is really about.  Sometimes it involves loneliness or fear or worry, yes.  But more often than not, it’s just the counterbalancing down-tick to those up-tick times that make life exciting and wonderful.  The key is telling yourself that it’s OK to be blue.  It’s OK to slide towards entropy occasionally, so long as you don’t fall off the see-saw alltogether.  Life is about balance, and balance involves the occasional shift that requires us to reassess and re-center so that we can continue to maintain that even keel.

Yesterday, I was blue, and I thought about how long I’d been blue.  Today, I woke up, and I felt a change in direction.  I had purpose.  The work-day flew by.  I came home and cleaned my house.  From entropy to order, from off to on.  They say that wisdom is recognizing the patterns in your life, acknowledging your mistakes and learning from them.  Just as making peace with pink has granted me wisdom, I’m hoping that learning to be OK with blue will do the same.

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